Weekly Weigh-In: Week 16 (AKA my first gain)

So it turns out that for the past few weeks I haven't just been slack about posting on this here blog, I've also been slack on my weight loss. As a result, I've had my first gain of 2.5 kg over the past two weeks. Yikes!

Gains happen, and this one is probably overdue, but it's still not a nice feeling to slide so quickly backwards. Probably worse than knowing that I've gained weight, however, is knowing that I've made some really bad decisions and indulged in terrible habits that I was fighting so hard to break. It was getting easier to say no to the bad habits, and I still let them creep back in during a time of weakness. Now, I have to go back to the beginning and almost start again. But, if that's what I have to do, then that's what I will do.

I've seen versions of this quote posted on many blogs and pinterest boards over the last few months, and it couldn't be more relevant to me right now. I have a choice to make, and at the end of the day, neither option is easy. But there is one option that will make me happy, and I have to keep reminding myself of this.

To help me get back to it, I've broken down all of the little things that I need to do to help me stay on track:

1. Count kilojoules - I haven't recorded kilojoules or even kept track in my head for weeks. I've spoken before about how invaluable recording my intake has been, and it's a fundamental part of getting back on track.
2. Drinking water - I was abysmal at this before I lost the plot, but it really is important in helping me to lose weight and keep my body running well.
3. Exercising - I have not exercised in nearly a month (eep!), and I really need to just kick myself up the butt and do it. The cold weather and end of Daylight Savings has meant that my walks on the beach have stopped, so I need to decide on a new way to get moving that will keep me motivated.
4. Blogging more - blogging keeps me focused. Putting my thoughts down in writing helps me to better understand myself and my struggles, which in turn makes it easier to push on. Writing and talking about losing weight on a regular basis also motivates me no end, and keeps it at the forefront of my mind. Not to mention, I'm incredibly motivated and cheered on by the amazing people who stop by this space every now and then and even leave comments. We may be strangers but you've already done so much to help me along my way, so thank you.
5. Reading weight loss blogs - I've found some amazing weight loss blogs over the past few months, whose writers inspire and delight me. Unfortunately, I've been neglecting them too over the past month, and it's high time to get back to reading them regularly.
6. Organising my weekly meals - this is something that I was pretty fantastic at until very recently (if I to say so myself) and it helped to keep me on track. This week I will get back into the habit of creating a weekly meal plan and doing my regular once a week shop.
7. Say no to takeaway - I will not eat takeaway this week. I will not eat takeaway this week. I will not eat takeaway this week. I will not eat takeaway this week. Takeaway food is a big downfall for me. It's rarely healthy and is one of those trigger foods that I tend to lose control over. I am more likely to binge on takeaway food that anything I make at home. Unfortunately we've recently found a new Chinese restaurant that does a yummy chow mein with the most delicious crunchy noodles. I could eat those crunchy noodles by the kilo. But I will not, no matter how delicious those crunchy little bastards are.
8. Set time aside for me - I need time to be selfish. Work has been really picking up lately, which is amazing, but it's left me a little time poor. Taking even a little chunk of time and only doing something I feel like doing will help me to feel less busy and out of control.

There are a lot of steps to take, and I could probably even add some more, but I will take my time and do what I can. I would love to jump straight back to doing all of these things simultaneously, but it's definitely more realistic to look at it as a gradual thing. If nothing else, this week I would like to count my kilojoules and not eat takeaway. These two things are pretty achievable, yet important. I will let you know how I go!

Have you ever had a gain and/or fallen off track? If so, what helped you to get back on track?

Guess Who Didn't Count Their Kilojoules Last Week...

...and remembered why it is so important! If you saw my weigh in from last week, you probably also saw that I had a bit of a naughty week. I got busy, lost some focus, and as a result I skipped a lot of things I shouldn't have, including recording my intake. While a bad week isn't really fun, it really helped to reinforce for me that I NEED to count kilojoules. It really works for me, and when I don't I tend to over-eat, under-eat, forget things that I've eaten and eat bad, bad foods. Basically I go a bit crazy and all over the place.

I did much better than I thought I would have. I didn't resort to my old eating habits, and I still tried to eat really good nutritious foods, but I did see a lot of issues that I don't really have when I'm on top of my kilojoules. It helps in so many little ways, like:

It keeps me accountable. What gets measured gets done. 'Tis true. Having an accurate account of all of the food that I've eaten somehow keeps me responsible and making better choices. I think that knowing my kilojoule happy zone, and have a running tally to compare it to makes me step back and really think if more food is worth it. I know that if I step over the happy zone, that I'm doing myself a disservice and taking away from the progress that I'm working so hard to keep going.

It stops me from overlooking foods. If one good thing came out of not counting kilojoules for the last week, it's that I'm now more confident in my ability to keep a mental count. I did pretty well. Despite that, though, there were sometimes foods I'd consumed that I would overlook or forget later in the day (seriously I have a mind like a sieve). Most of the time this probably isn't/wasn't a big deal, but keeping a record prevents it from becoming an issue.

It helps me to tell when I'm trying to eat for non-hunger reasons. Sometimes I just want food because I want food. When this happens, I don't always have very good reasoning skills and having a record of my food that day can help me to see quite clearly when I'm wanting to eat just for the sake of it.

It makes me think about my choices every day. If I have to log my foods into my records every day, then everyday I am forced to think about my weight loss and what I'm doing to get healthy. If I think about it daily, then it's easier to stay on track and motivated. I won't let it slip as easily.

It helps to control my portions. While eating healthy food is a great thing, it doesn't help me if I'm eating too much. Calculating kilojoules and recording them gives me a really good idea of how much of anything I should eat, and makes me stick to it. Especially because I can easily see how quickly eating that little bit extra adds up.

I know this post has turned into a bit of an ode to kilojoule counting, but it really does help me so very much. Out of any of the many tools and strategies I am using to lose weight, it is by far the most valuable. Last week helped me to learn a really good lesson, and I'm keen to keep going.

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 11

Where has this week gone? I apologise for being so MIA here on the blog and on twitter this week. Life has been so unexpectedly hectic and it's meant that I've let this space slide a little. Unfortunately it's also meant that I've let my good weight loss habits slide, and as a result I've lost a big fat nothing.

I'm not surprised by my lack of a loss at all this week. I have had the most atrocious week, where my focus was nowhere to be found. I'm a little surprised I didn't see my first gain, actually. In terms of food, I've been all over the shop. Some days I've eaten almost nothing and been far, far to low on kilojoules. Others, I've just sort of eaten what I wanted without keeping track of kilojoules and ended up way over what I budgeted for. Either way, I haven't given enough attention to my food and eating, and my body probably doesn't know which way is up at the moment.

This week will probably be a bit crazy again, but my aim is to be more organised and remember to prioritise my food habits. The week just gone had kind of caught me by surprise, and if I can plan to be busy, then hopefully I'll be more successful and be able to get myself back on track.

If you have any tips or advice for maintaining good habits while busy, please leave let me know in the comments. I'll take any help I can get!

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 10

Only another itty bitty loss of 0.5 kg this week. I say itty bitty, but really it's a decent loss and I'm not unhappy with it at all.

This week I've had a lot of trouble with my appetite. I've had none. It's meant that a lot of days this week I've struggled to eat enough to get to my absolute minimum necessary energy intake, and when that happens my weight loss slows down significantly. I'm not exactly sure why this happens, but it's definitely a sign that eating that little is not good. The problem is, I've never really had this problem before, so I don't know what to do. I really don't want to resort to eating junk foods loaded with sugars and fats, just to bulk up my intake. Hopefully my appetite will right itself soon, because I'm keen for a really good week.

In more exciting news, the fiancé and I booked a trip to Melbourne for the end of July to see the Liverpool game while they're here. I've never been to Melbourne before and am so, so excited. It's also a bit of extra motivation to keep going strong with my weight loss. Especially considering it will mean a little bit of shopping beforehand to ensure I don't freeze my butt of while I'm there.

Cracker Youtube Exercise and Fitness Channels

Confession time. I'm a bit of a Youtube junkie. I watch Youtube daily and am absolutely addicted to watching beauty, comedy and nutrition videos. My latest obsession, on the 'tube, however, has been exercise videos, and I thought I'd share some of my favourite channels and workouts today.

Youtube has done a lot of growing up in the last few years, and now has a lot of really decent and professionally presented content. While you'll still find a whole host of dodgy iPhone shot amateur workouts or illegally uploaded rips of copyrighted material, there are also a great deal of high quality fitness and exercise channels by fitness professionals and enthusiasts. The best thing about it to, is that it's free!

The first channel that I've been loving is Yoga Vidya. It's videos are mostly yoga and meditation related, and they have an awesome range of beginners videos. Probably not surprisingly my favourite at the moment is their 20 minute class for complete beginners.

My next favourites are the Lean Machine boys. The fellas have a heap of home workout videos, tips, tricks and useful information. They are also phenomenal eye candy.

Finally, for their whole host of different aerobic style videos I've been using Fitness Blender. Their videos are really easy to follow and each movement is well explained. They also have a range of intensities, target areas and workout lengths. The one I've really been liking is their Beginner Boot Camp Workout.

The ability to access free and good quality exercise videos on Youtube makes working out so easy. If the channels and workouts in the post aren't up your street, then with a bit of a look around I'm almost certain you will be able to find something that you will enjoy too.

Let me know in the comments if you've used workout videos from Youtube before, and definitely leave any recommendations from channels or videos I should take a look at!

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 8

Another week, another weigh-in. Only a little one of half a kilo this week. Check out the teeny tiny blue slice below (you may need a magnifying glass).

I would have liked a bigger loss this week, but can only blame myself. I had an amazing week up until Friday, when I was much too naughty on a night out with my fabulous girlfriends and our men. It also didn't help that I've been incapacitated after a bit of a fall on Tuesday at work, when I took some big chunks out of my foot. As a result, I've been unable to walk, let alone exercise. The good news is my foot is healing nicely and I've been able to get back to regular exercising. I'm also back to being focused and am ready for the week ahead.

One great thing that happened this week (today in fact), is that I HAD to go shopping for some new clothes. I've gotten to the point that most of my clothes are too big! I've gone down a full clothing size, which was a really amazing feeling. Maybe even more impressive, I had nothing but positive thoughts when I was in the change rooms trying them on. Definitely a weight loss highlight of the week!

The World's Fattest Cat and Other Things That Weigh As Much As I've Lost

The week before last I wrote about struggling to see changes despite having lost quite a lot of weight. I've lost a shade over 15 kg so far, which I feel is quite a significant amount. I've also worked incredibly hard to lose every fraction of those 15 kgs (roughly 34 pounds), and was growing impatient to be rewarded with changes I could notice.

To give myself some perspective, I decided to do a bit of research. What I found was pretty mind boggling! Check out my list of things that weigh as much as I've lost:

• An average 4 year old
• A cinder block
• A slightly above average beagle (or 3 to 4 dachshunds)
• The leg of an average adult
• The world's fattest cat
• Adele's dress at this years Oscars

I think that list accurately demonstrates just how much I've achieved over the last 3 and a half months. In my mind, I know that I need to be a little bit more patient. The changes that I'm looking for will come with time, and I'm quite a sizeable chunk of the way towards getting there. I just can't believe I've lost a chubby beagle!

For fun, I challenge all of you reading this to find something that weighs what you've lost so far, and tell me in the comments below!

Weekly Weigh-In Week 7

Another week, another weigh-in! I upped my game this week and lost myself a whole kilo.

One kg isn't a big loss, but it's definitely a good loss. Especially when there are *ahem* reasons *ahem* that mean I'm holding a bit of water at the moment.

Anywho... I've had another great week on plan this week. I've been eating well, drinking water and exercising regularly. Lots of back patting has been administered. I joke, obviously, but I am truly proud of the determination and follow-through I've been showing for the past couple of weeks. I know there will be bad weeks to come, but this week was one of those where what I'm striving for has been clear in my mind and I've been motivated to work towards it.

The only "bad" day I've had this week was yesterday, for my fiance, Sean's birthday. Because it was a special day, we both decided to have the day off from kilojoule counting and eating strictly. We did eat a few things that we wouldn't have otherwise (like my home made key lime pie), but overall I was still good. Usually, when I'm trying to lose weight and have a day off for a special occasion, I go straight back to binge eating and I make sure that I make up for lost time with the worst foods I can find. Something has changed this time, and though there was a little part of me that wanted to revert back to my old ways, the majority of me was just not interested. I've worked so hard to get to where I am now, attitude wise, that I'm not willing to take a step back. For me this was huge!

Getting Moving!

This week I'm trying to knuckle down and get serious about exercising. Up until now I've been focusing a lot on food and battling compulsive eating behaviours, so exercise hasn't been a huge priority. Now that healthy eating is becoming easier and more routine, though, it's time to get to my fitness!

I'm not going to lie, I hate exercising. I find it so difficult to just get off of my butt and get moving. In the past, a lot of this has stemmed from worrying about people seeing me and judging. Writing that now doesn't make a whole lot of sense, as I know that almost no one would judge someone for exercising, and anyone who did is just an arsehole. But it really stopped me from even considering doing something as simple as going for a walk. To overcome this I would tell myself that I would do fitness tapes at home where no one would see me, and I would be comfortable. The problem was, I just didn't find them motivating. I've never stuck to them.

This time around, I'm getting over my fear of getting out there because... I just don't care. Something has changed this time and I'm not worried about any of the things that would usually prevent me from going for it. Maybe I'm more motivated or have stopped making excuses for myself, but I'm actually looking forward to exercising and am finding things that I enjoy.

I'm starting out slow by going for a walk on the beach each day. I live in a coastal town and am literally just down the road from one of the most beautiful beaches.

Technically it's two bays joined together and to walk them both and back is around 30 minutes, which is perfect to start me off.

I'm absolutely loving going for these walks. I spent my childhood at the beach with my surfer Dad, so I have a huge love for the beach. The smell of the salt air  the sand, the waves. I adore everything about the beach and hate that I've avoided it for so long because of my weight. Being there also makes me really excited to lose the weight and feel comfortable to go for a swim.

Just for fun, here are a couple of the photos I took of the rock pools.

I'm so glad that I've found something that I'm enjoying. It makes getting started so much easier. I'm looking forward to getting out and doing some more exploring while getting fit as well!

Let me know what you've found, that works to keep you motivated and working out in the comments!

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 6

Only a small loss of 0.5 kg this week. It's not a particularly great loss, but I've had a good week on plan. I know there will be weeks where I do everything perfectly and see little or no loss, so I'm not unhappy with the loss.

I am really happy with how disciplined I've been this week. Sticking to everything has been simpler than ever, and it feels like each week is becoming easier. This coming week I hope to keep up my good work, and hopefully I'll be rewarded with a bigger loss.

Tiny (Imagined?) Changes

I once heard someone compare weight loss to a roll of paper towel (no really, stay with me). When you start a new roll, taking off five or so sheets doesn't appear to change the size of the roll. As the roll gets smaller, however, taking off the same number of sheets starts to make a more noticeable different to the rolls size. Still with me?

So far I'm down nearly 15 kgs, which I'm sure anyone would agree is a lot of weight. The problem is, because I've got so much to lose, the changes I think that I'm seeing are almost imperceptible. They're so small that I almost feel like I'm imagining things.

The one place I'm almost sure I'm starting to see a difference is in my face. My cherub cheeks are a little less plump and my spare chins are shrinking away. I'm also fairly sure that my clothes are getting looser. I haven't shrunk out of anything yet, but it feels like most of my clothes are sitting a lot better on me. Other than that though, it's impossible to tell.

I've been working hard for three months now, and I really can't wait to see some concrete physical changes to be excited about. I'm not getting down about it, but I really want to be able to look in the mirror and see that all of the good things I have been doing are showing.

Has anyone else felt the same at some point? And when did you first notice that you could see a difference?

Food Fight

I've said it before and I'll no doubt say it an inordinate number of times again, that for me weight loss begins and ends with food. In today's post, I wanted to share what I'm doing, food-wise, to battle the fat.

1. Kilojoule Counting
Years of horrific eating have left me with almost no sense of how good or bad foods are, nor how much of them I should eat. Having a daily kilojoule limit of between 5000 and 6000 kilojoules (roughly 1200 to 1430 calories), and keeping a record of everything I eat helps enormously to correct for this lack of knowledge. Doing it religiously also keeps me accountable and firmly planted in reality about what I'm eating. It makes seeing mistakes in my eating a breeze and takes away the ability for me to fall into denial about what I've eaten.

At the moment I'm using a free version of the Shape Up app on my phone. It's a decent enough app (although the features are a little limited with the free version) and it's handy to be able to input my foods on the go. The only reason I use this over MyFitnessPal is because it has the option to use kilojoules. Here in Australia pretty much all food labelling uses kilojoules, rather than calories, to measure energy. MyFitnessPal looks to be the better app, but unfortunately they still don't have the option to record or measure in kilojoules.

2. Meal Replacement Shakes
Meal replacements have always been something that I looked down on and had no interest in. When my partner started on a meal replacement scheme to lose weight last year, I repeatedly voiced my concerns about how healthy they were. In the end, I struggled so much trying to lose weight with food, because I couldn't curb my compulsive and binge eating behaviours, that I caved and gave it a go. I'm glad I did because I've really benefited from the structure it provides. Sustaining myself with something other than typical foods has also allowed me to start addressing my compulsive food habits and building willpower.

The meal replacement plan I use is by Herbalife. Their weight loss plan involves replacing two meals a day with shakes and taking nutritional supplements with all meals to ensure adequate nutrient intake. The shakes are made from Herbalife's powder formula and your milk of choice. Depending on what milk you use, the shakes are fairly low in kilojoules. Currently, I use the shakes dependent on my mood. If I just can't do a shake, then I'm pretty happy to change it with a healthy meal.

3. Eating Lots of Vegetables, Fruits and Whole Foods
Bodies love that stuff. I partake in the school of thinking that our bodies are made to consume this stuff and so probably benefit from a diet high in foods that are natural. While I haven't eliminated processed foods from my diet (see point 2 above), I try to focus on adding and substituting in lots whole foods, especially vegetables. It helps to keep my kilojoules down, while making sure my body is getting lots of nutrients.

4. Drinking Water
I know water is not a food, but maintaining adequate hydration helps me to feel less hungry. The body has difficulty distinguishing between hunger and thirst signals, and often when I'm underhydrated I tend to feel hungry more often and end up eating more. This was part of the difficulties I had last week. Proper hydration is no doubt also important in helping the digestive system do it's job.

Although not all of these things will work for everyone, they have been really working for me so far. I think the key is to find out what makes sense to you and what you can reasonably stick to. Let me know what food based plans you're using and having success with!

Weekly Weigh-In: Week Four

No loss for me this week. If I'm completely honest with myself I kind of expected it. I've been BAD this week. Especially the last few days, when I've almost let myself eat whatever I want.

Even though it was expected, getting on the scales and seeing that those numbers haven't changed made me feel pretty discouraged. I've been going so well so far and I knowingly blew my diet. I let myself fall back into my old mindset about food. For almost three months I've been fighting so hard to escape it, that I'm disappointed in myself for giving in.

Despite my disappointment, I'm going to try not to beat myself up. Instead, I need to focus getting back on track. Starting this whole weight loss attempt, I knew there would be days and weeks like this where I would falter. I made a deal with myself that when it happened, big or small, I would pick myself up and keep going. That's what I intend to do.

                                                                        Source: Uploaded by user via Rylie on Pinterest

For clarity's sake, here is what I did wrong this past week and what I need to address for the next:

• Let myself eat for eating sake, and not because of hunger
• Gave in to food cravings, resulting in poor food choices
• Didn't make my usual weekly meal plan and go shopping to stock up for it all at once
• Barely drank water
• Did not get up and moving, even once!
• Forgot why I was doing all of this and how far I've come

Starting today I'm back on track and whether I lose weight next week or not, I am going to be able to say that I gave my best and didn't let a hurdle overcome me!

Weekly Weigh-In: Week Three

So it's week three! Time is flying since I started this blog, and this is really only my second weigh-in after my scales carked it last week.

I've kept up my momentum and dropped 2.5 kg's in the last two weeks, for a total of 13 kg's lost.

I'm really happy with the loss. After feeling really unmotivated with my eating just a week ago, this past week has felt very easy and settled. Sticking to eating right has been almost effortless. After two and a half months, eating better and eating less is becoming more and more habitual. I know there will be hard patches again, but right now I feel so encouraged by the feeling that my body is starting to relearn how to eat.

A Look At My History as a Fatty

I’ve always been “bigger”. This freaked my Mum (who I now realise had some body issues of her own) out no end when I was a kid. When I was two, I was a bit of a chubbette. My Mum was so concerned about my weight, she took me to a doctor for testing. I don’t really recall any instances where my weight was mentioned or talked about, but I do remember knowing that I was big and that my parents thought of me as big.

As you probably can imagine, I grew up very conscious of my body and weight. I can remember being eleven and feeling embarrassed because I couldn’t wear cool clothes, like my nine year old sister, because I would look bad in them. Around the same time, in the late 90’s, when midriff tops were all the rage, I decided to wear one, one day. I sucked my stomach in so hard and for so long that I gave myself a horrific stomach ache.

Looking back, I realise how overly conscious I was of my body at such a young age. I took this with me into high school and added to it with the typical body issues that happen for most during puberty. In my mind I labelled myself as the fat kid and had some seriously rock bottom self-esteem. Throughout high school I often felt severely socially inept and at times overly defensive, because I let my weight and feelings about it get me down. The dumb thing is, I was never really bullied at school, and I had some really great friends who never did anything to make me feel like I was different. It was all in me that made me feel that way.

High School was also pretty tough for family reasons as well. I won’t go into detail here, but looking back, it was when food really turned into a coping mechanism for me. I would eat to feel better, and I would eat A LOT.

In Year 11, I met a wonderful boy and started dating him. Nearly 8 years on, we are still together and are engaged. This man loves me harder than I ever imagined possible, and I him. Unfortunately for both of us, over the years we have not only grown up together, but also out. We've bonded over food, shown love with food, comforted each other with food, and generally fed (pun intended) each other’s abnormal relationship with food, without even realising it.

The more I really look at myself, the more I feel that my issues with food and weight go so much deeper than just some bad choices. It’s developed over many years and has become almost like an emotional aide. There isn't a single person who I can or want to blame for that. Not my parents, certainly not my fiancé, and sometimes I think that this whole thing was beyond even my control. I take responsibility for it, and I take responsibility for changing it, but I’m trying not to blame myself. What’s happened has passed, and no good can come from punishing myself because I didn’t realise what was happening. It took so much time, knowledge, and introspection for the light bulb to finally come on, and the fact that it has is all that matters now.

Week Two: A Weigh In Of Sorts

So this week won't be a normal weigh in because my scales broke! If anything will make you feel like a fatty, it's breaking your scales.

I'm especially bummed that I can't weigh myself this week, because I haven't had a great week. On Friday I posted about how I've been feeling less resolve. I haven't completely gone off of the rails with my diet, but I would have liked to see how the week of slightly higher daily kilojoules and being a little too lenient on myself affected my progress. It would also probably be good for me to see the effect of the boozy night I had last night at my best friends engagement party and subsequent drunk Macca's run (the first fast food I've had so far).

There is an upside to this post though, because as well as weighing myself each Sunday, I also take measurements. I was very surprised to see this week that I had lost 1.5 cm from my waist and 3 cm from my hips! These are very decent losses compared with those in previous weeks, so I can't wait to go get a new set of scales and see how much my weight has changed.