I'm Stuck

In terms of my weight loss, I'm completely stuck. I haven't put on weight in months and I haven't lost it either. Instead I've just hovered within a 2 kilogram window that I can't seem to break out of. Worst of all, this isn't a dreaded plateau, it's completely self inflicted. I haven't been doing enough. Especially for the last few weeks. I haven't been bad, but I haven't been paying much attention to my food, or water intake. The only thing I have been doing is exercising.

To be honest, I am a little surprised that I haven't at least seen a slow and gradual loss, given that I have been regularly exercising and my eating hasn't been anywhere near as bad as it used to be. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't counting on this being the case, that I could just give up and still lose weight. In hindsight though, I haven't been so bad that I shouldn't have seen some loss.

I don't know why is it that I'm so stuck right now. I have patches where I'm back to doing everything right, then all of a sudden it's gone. I'm only now starting to get frustrated with myself for it. I don't know if maybe my weight loss so far has sort of been enough to make me proud of myself that I'm not as highly motivated to keep going. Or maybe I've just had an off patch that I've been too lenient with and allowed to go on for too long. I can't make sense of it, and I want to know why I'm doing it. So I can kick it in the butt and keep going, and avoid it again in the future.

I'm trying not to get too down on myself, as making myself feel guilty has never helped me. All it does is make things harder. Instead, I'm working on finding positive ways to move forward and gain back the focus on my health that I had before. Things like learning about nutrition (which I REALLY enjoy, shockingly), and getting up early to do my morning walk. If I keep focusing on these things that I enjoy doing, and setting myself small goals, hopefully I will find my way back to losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle. I really want to. I'm not satisfied with going back to where I was, and it's such a slippery slope back to that. I want to keep moving forward, for my health and my future.

Has anyone else gotten stuck, be it for a short or long while? What did you do to get out of it?

Some Unwanted Perspective

Losing weight takes a certain level of selfishness. It's a difficult time that takes an incredible degree of focus placed firmly on yourself. I've been keenly aware of how hard it is. I think about it a lot. I pat myself on the back when I overcome all of my little hurdles, and I occasionally feel overwhelmed by the difficulty of what I'm trying to achieve. Sometimes I get sad or mad, because I've got so much hard work in front of me. And I do have a lot of work in front of me, but that's it. It's just hard work. It's only weight loss. It's only food. If this is the hardest thing that I have to do this year, then I am lucky.

Apart from my weight, I am a happy and healthy person. I can and am changing the worst thing in my life. Regardless of how crap this whole thing can be, I have the power to do something about it. I have the freedom of choice. I should be incredibly grateful to have that.

I'm sad to say that this realisation has come because someone I love very much going through something horrible and beyond their control. Life has been incredibly unfair to them, and has been generous enough to make my biggest care in the world something that lies in my hands. I feel like the worlds biggest jerk for ever feeling down for what I've gone through. It's not right how much thought I've given to how difficult my journey was going to be, when I should have been thanking the universe that I have choice on my side.

Right now, I'm feeling very sadly humbled by this new perspective. I know that it makes no difference to the person to whom I owe it. I really wish it did. The only thing I can take from it is the resolve to use the opportunities I am given and to not take them for granted. 

Cracker Youtube Exercise and Fitness Channels

Confession time. I'm a bit of a Youtube junkie. I watch Youtube daily and am absolutely addicted to watching beauty, comedy and nutrition videos. My latest obsession, on the 'tube, however, has been exercise videos, and I thought I'd share some of my favourite channels and workouts today.

Youtube has done a lot of growing up in the last few years, and now has a lot of really decent and professionally presented content. While you'll still find a whole host of dodgy iPhone shot amateur workouts or illegally uploaded rips of copyrighted material, there are also a great deal of high quality fitness and exercise channels by fitness professionals and enthusiasts. The best thing about it to, is that it's free!

The first channel that I've been loving is Yoga Vidya. It's videos are mostly yoga and meditation related, and they have an awesome range of beginners videos. Probably not surprisingly my favourite at the moment is their 20 minute class for complete beginners.

My next favourites are the Lean Machine boys. The fellas have a heap of home workout videos, tips, tricks and useful information. They are also phenomenal eye candy.

Finally, for their whole host of different aerobic style videos I've been using Fitness Blender. Their videos are really easy to follow and each movement is well explained. They also have a range of intensities, target areas and workout lengths. The one I've really been liking is their Beginner Boot Camp Workout.

The ability to access free and good quality exercise videos on Youtube makes working out so easy. If the channels and workouts in the post aren't up your street, then with a bit of a look around I'm almost certain you will be able to find something that you will enjoy too.

Let me know in the comments if you've used workout videos from Youtube before, and definitely leave any recommendations from channels or videos I should take a look at!

The World's Fattest Cat and Other Things That Weigh As Much As I've Lost

The week before last I wrote about struggling to see changes despite having lost quite a lot of weight. I've lost a shade over 15 kg so far, which I feel is quite a significant amount. I've also worked incredibly hard to lose every fraction of those 15 kgs (roughly 34 pounds), and was growing impatient to be rewarded with changes I could notice.

To give myself some perspective, I decided to do a bit of research. What I found was pretty mind boggling! Check out my list of things that weigh as much as I've lost:

• An average 4 year old
• A cinder block
• A slightly above average beagle (or 3 to 4 dachshunds)
• The leg of an average adult
• The world's fattest cat
• Adele's dress at this years Oscars

I think that list accurately demonstrates just how much I've achieved over the last 3 and a half months. In my mind, I know that I need to be a little bit more patient. The changes that I'm looking for will come with time, and I'm quite a sizeable chunk of the way towards getting there. I just can't believe I've lost a chubby beagle!

For fun, I challenge all of you reading this to find something that weighs what you've lost so far, and tell me in the comments below!

My BIG Weight Loss Motivation

For me, there are a million and one reasons to lose weight. They range from the trivial to the serious, but none were enough to get me to lose weight and stick to it. Not until I got engaged. Not until I began thinking about and planning my wedding to my amazing fiancé.

Every bride wants to look beautiful on their wedding day. I'm no different, of course, but it goes so much deeper than that. I want to be able to stand in front of all my family and friends, and celebrate our love without a second thought about my weight. I want to look back on photos and see nothing but happiness and love. If I get married, feeling the way that I feel about myself now, I will always have my weight and the way I look in the back of my head. I owe my fiancé and myself more than that.

Big milestones also have a way of making you think about your life and the future. I started to ask myself what I wanted for my future, for our future together. What did I want it to look like? One definite answer was that I didn't want to keep living like I was. I didn't want to hide because I was ashamed of my weight. I wanted to be able to have fun and enjoy life with Sean. We have have been gifted with an amazing life and relationship, and I realised that I hadn't been making the most of it.

Each day I work towards losing weight I'm working towards our future. We're going to have a beautiful wedding in which I am able to celebrate, no holds barred, the love that Sean and I share.